Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Sometimes Bad Leading to Good

Just when you think you have it all together, great job, kids are all grown and their own, life can throw a curve ball.  I just lost my job (first time) due to restructuring, they eliminated the role.  Then my husband decides to stop drinking and goes into alcohol withdrawals.  I was out in left field on that one, I did not know he was drinking that much.  It started heavily after his youngest son commited suicide at the age of 23.  . 

But even with all that now and with all the drama.  I now look back and see how God worked.  He put me in a place that was heavily influenced by Christianity.  I was on the fence for many years about the existance of God.  I always felt that we were all connected some how - that there was "something" bigger, stronger than us mere humans.  These wonderful people I met were just what I needed.  My husband as well.  The strength of faith pulls us through the rough spots.  It pulled me from my pity-party (after a day or so).  It added strength to my husband in his quitting the drinking.

Let me give you a little more of my background.  It's ironic really.  I spent many years reading self betterment books.  Much the same as many, I thought money was the answer, so I focused my energy on money.  It took some time but just a month ago, I earned three figures.  Even with that, I was still just floating through life wondering when the happiness was going to start.  I am very creative and love natural, holistic health practices.  Yet I did none of those because I was waiting for that happiness to start as I had money.  I grew more depressed.  Drank wine, no exercise, no painting, just more eating, more drinking, more and more fatter and more and more depressed.  Each day I would say to myself, tomorrow I will change things.  I grew to dislike my job even though I loved my co-workers.  I grew depressed to go to work.

At the library, I gravitated to books and CD's talking about God and amazing personal life stories.  I started listening to motivating CD's on the way to work - and the ones that struck the hardest were the ones about believing in yourself and that God lives inside of each and everyone of us.  I would start crying on the way to work listening to the encouragement of the CD's.  Still I kept saying change will come tomorrow - feeling locked into making the three figure income.  My husband is in construction so income from his work was minimal. 

They say everything happens for a reason - not too much longer I was jobless.  God took matters into His own hands, forcing change.  Thankfully my health/pay benefits were paid through the end of the month as my husband was thrown his curve ball at the same time.  Initially I was devastated but now here we are, on the 27th of March, me and my husband have never felt better, upbeat and completely postive.  I am painting, running, and loosing a lot of weight.  My mind set has been totally changed.  I can collect unemployment so I am and will take my time finding a job.  I had a interview yesterday and I am cautiously optimistic.  It is not three figure but so what.  We have had to dramatically cut back on what was our lifestyle, but we are going to make it.  I thank God for it - and I have faith that He has plans for both me and my husband.  My main focus is balance, money is not the answer.  Balance is.

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